


cosplay cat-astrophy (be careful what you wish for!)

by viscountfrancisbacon



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Animal Transformation, Comedy, Crack, Curses, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-28
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-30 02:27:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15087014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viscountfrancisbacon/pseuds/viscountfrancisbacon
Summary: - buffpidgey wanted this to be called 'hissing in action' and i promised her i would mention thisnoctis finds a pair of suspicious cat ears in the sewers. noctis immediately puts on the pair of suspicious cat ears he finds in the sewers. this is a problem, but in his defense they were extremely cute and so is he, this everyone reluctantly agrees. inspired by the best ffxv mod in the steam workshop until someone either comes up with an improved version or a mod that gives the girls better outfits.





	cosplay cat-astrophy (be careful what you wish for!)

**Author's Note:**

> this is far from the first fic for this fandom i've written, but naturally nothing else is finished so you get this instead. i'm actually writing a lot, little things like "not having finished the game yet despite having logged 90 hours and being on my second playthrough " or "having to get a 30k word fic beta read all at once" or "getting constantly distracted forever by shiny new ideas now that i have the tantalizing ability to actually just write them if i wanna" keep getting in the way!
> 
> gonna be real though, this fic came about entirely thanks to this, the best ffxv mod on steam so far by a league:  
> https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=1413617135  
> everyone in the comments begging the author to release a version with just the clothes are Fooles and Cowards with backwards priorities. if anything i'm disappointed that the tail is too small, that the tail lacks physics, and perhaps most importantly that there arent versions for the other boys (and no, the one that gives prompto doggy ears doesn't count. catboy squad or bust).
> 
> enjoy~

“Guys, look what I found!”

Noctis wandered over, swung one arm onto Prompto’s shoulder and leaned in.

“Oh shit, you keeping that?”

Prompto made a moue. He examined his prize with a deeply conflicted expression. “Well I mean… it’s really cute… but also like… sewer germs, dude. Abandoned creepy daemon sewer germs, which are the worst.”

“They are the worst.” Noctis agreed. He cocked his head. “If you aren’t keeping that though I am. I always wanted one.”

Prompto glanced over, incredulous. “Dude, you serious? You have – _had_ – your own credit card connected to the royal freaking treasury. You couldn’t buy your own cat ears?”

A distant look of regret filled Noctis’s eyes. His mouth twisted, as if remembering past sorrows. “Ignis wouldn’t let me. Said I’d ruin my public image. Why do you think I never got to go to any cons?”

Prompto gave him a look of keen sympathy and passed the package of cat ears over. “Aww, dude. Here, take them. Take them and be free, buddy. You’ve earned it.” He paused. “But if you get sick cuz of funky sewer germs and Ignis asks you found these yourself, because I will only take _literal_ bullets for you as is my sworn duty as your Crownsguard and your best friend.”

“Fair.” Noctis said. He grinned and looked sidelong at the other two, who’d been drawn in by Prompto’s call. “Think Gladio will wanna try ‘em first, though?”

“Wait, what am I trying?” Gladio said, water sloshing as he stepped up from the main channel and into the raised alcove where, apparently, people’s discarded cat ears ended up.

Noctis held up the package with a smile. “Kitty ears!”

“Noctis,” Ignis said, longsuffering, “we’re in Crestholm’s depths – I would _not_ trust the cleanliness of anything we’ve found down here, much less something with  fake fur. Even the magical artifacts will need to be boiled first.”

Noctis was already peeling open the package, though.  He raised an eyebrow,  turned the ears this way and that under the illumination of his flashlight . “ Huh. Wonder if this thing counts. It’s got  all these little symbols on the headband, like some sorta runes.”

Prompto craned his head, trying to see. “ Oh shit, it does. What  do you think it does?”

Noctis glanced up at him,  grinning. “ Wanna find out?”

“ Noct, please,” Ignis said as Noctis  raised the cat ears up to his head. “ At least wipe—”

For just a moment,  Noctis  looked like a  handsome young man with fake cat ears. Then  a roiling blue flash, reminiscent of when he phased, passed over him and a cloud of smoke erupted.

“ —those off first,” Ignis finished, lamely.  He  waved ineffectually at the smoke,  then stepped forward in hopes of finding his prince. His hand met empty air.  He looked down. “ Bahamut’s blade,” he  said vehemently.

“Oh… ” Prompto said.  He crouched dow n,  biting his lip. “ So. Um. I guess  _that’s_ what it does.”

Noctis meowed.

 

Noctis yowled,  a bristling twitchy  weight  warm against Prompto’s chest.  His voice – what remained of it,  anyway –  was almost louder than the  bussemand cackling and shrieking  and splashing through the tepid water s, all of it echoing against narrow concrete walls.  Prompto would have winced if he wasn’t in combat mode,  where wincing  meant shitty aim and shitty aim meant  Bad Times all around.

“ Dude,  a little less commentary from the peanut gallery please.  Busy not dying here which is, uh,  _little_ harder than usual.”

Noctis yowled again, a little lower. Prompto spared him a glare – seriously, kitty Noct was extremely cute and Prompto planned to resume cooing ASAP, but first they had to escape the _daemon infested_ _sewers_ that they were braving with less one fighter and one more defenseless little kitty cat who was also their friend and the man they’d sworn to protect. He was starting to regret that Noctis couldn’t have waited half an hour until they were at least close to the entrance, _seriously_.  Or at least that _he_ couldn’t have been the one  to get feline’d – then they’d still have their best fighter and Prompto could be the one getting held by big strong arms while someone else dealt with bloodthirsty daemons.

Behind him, there was an ominous glooping sound. Prompto  made a strangled noise ,  then steeled himself when Noctis  looked up at him with what he swore was worry in those big blue eyes .  No time for regrets – he had  a cursed best friend to protect.

“ Flan behind us!” He yelled,  and  curled himself around Noctis as he threw himself into a rolling dodge to avoid getting bodyslammed  by a mass of ooze.

 

“Hey, you think Ignis has plans for these leftovers?” Gladio called out, crouched over one of the  c oolers.

“Dunno,” Prompto said, on the ground with his gun spread out in careful pieces and his hands stained with oil, “which ones? The ones from the Nest?”

“Yeah, from Alstor. I’m hungry and he took off for a bit, so I’m gonna eat ‘em.”

Prompto shrugged, doing something fiddly with what looked like  – the receiver? The firing chamber? Gladio’s knowledge of weaponry was heavily biased towards the kinds that came with their component parts fused together, not the kinds of complex machinery that Prompto favored.

“It’s your funeral if he does, dude,” he said, picking up a magnifying glass and squinting through it. Whatever he found had him wrinkling his nose and putting it down, annoyed. “Or if he gets pissy about you ruining your dinner or whatever.”

Something small and furry brushed up against Gladio’s calf. Noctis – already banned from getting within ten feet of Prompto lest he get fur in the aforementioned complex machinery – meowed, standing up on his hind legs to peer into the cooler. He only startled a little when one of Gladio’s big hands came under his belly to haul him back.

“Hey,” Gladio said, yanking his hand back as Noctis retaliated with a yowl and sharp, tiny claws. “Iggy’s  _ definitely _ gonna go nuts if there’s cat fur in his food. You hungry?”

Noctis looked up at him and meowed, sounding irritated and plaintive all at once. Gladio skritched him behind the ears and got smacked with a little black paw for his trouble. Gladio rapped him gently on the head and grabbed the foil-wrapped package out of the cooler. Just for the hell of it, he opened the other cooler and  dug around for a pair of milk boxes.

Noctis complained about that too, and then Gladio found a dish to pour it into for him and he complained even louder  about  _ that _ , but it was all worth it for the sight of his tiny whiskered face covered in milk.

He drew the line when Noctis looked up at him and meowed, low and demanding, after nibbling at his portion of the reheated salmon, however. Ignis could turn his nose up all he liked, Kenny’s Salmon tasted just fine the second time around and Noctis usually agreed.

“Maybe it’s too hot for him?” Prompto asked, this time sharpening the blades of his circular saw. “Not everyone’s got years of experience scorching their mouths on Cup Noodles, dude.”

Gladio scowled, “It’s not too hot,  h e’s just being  fussy.”  He leaned over,  elbows on his knees. “ What do you want, Noct?  Better hope you’re good at charades, because I— ”

Noctis reached up with a paw, maneki-neko  style .  With a flash and a clatter,  one of the armory’s slimmer daggers  materialized  under his paw and fell to the ground.

Gladio raised an eyebrow. Prompto made a relevatory noise.  “ Ohhhh –  the pieces are too big.  Makes sense, he’s got  a little mouth and no hands.  You want a hand,  Noct ? ”

Gladio rolled his eyes and picked the plate up,  heading over to the cooking station.  His prince was a whiny bastard,  no matter what size he came in.

 

Ignis set down  the tub he’d carried  over and crossed his arms,  surveying the surface of the haven with narrowed eyes.

“ Where has he gone,” he said.  From behind him  Prompto piped up immediately.

“ I got him,  Iggy.  He can’t escape—” Noctis  meowed,  unhappiness  evident  in his tone . “ Dude, do you wanna stay covered in gunk?  For real?  Bath times are good times,  Noct.  Even  when they come with a price.”

Ignis turned around and  gave Prompto a small smile. “Thank you, Prompto.”  He glanced down at Noctis. “ Are you planning on staying put while I prepare things?  Please tell me being turned into a cat has not made you so contrary you’ve forgotten that you quite like being clean, as I remember  from a certain someone  who  takes up his entire allotment of time  in the hotel  bathroom and no less.”

Noctis meowed and trotted over to the small tub that Ignis used to do the washing up. He sat down and neatly curled his tail – already looking ratty, the fur gone sticky and flat with filth and dried sewer water – over his front paws. Even resembling a backalley stray after a rainstorm he was painfully adorable, but Ignis was already resolved to stay strong. There’d be time for appreciating how cute this all was once he’d carried out certain necessaries – such was the burden of people who had little things like priorities, common sense, or opposable thumbs.

Because Ignis was a kind man  – and because he dearly did not want Noctis to catch a chill in his condition – he heated up the water in the kettle before pouring it in the tub .  Noctis stayed meekly  where he  was until  Ignis went to put the kettle aside – when he turned back, Noctis had climbed in  and submerged himself up to  the chin,  with none of the stereotypical fear of a real cat faced with a bath.

“Do not think you have convinced me you are still a sapient and rational human being despite this… predicament,” Ignis told him sternly. He picked up the bag he’d made an emergency trip to Hammerhead for and came back, setting it down and lowering himself to his knees. Noctis looked up at him and meowed. “Rational people do not play with things they find in the sewers,” he told his prince. “Especially not if those things have _magical, unknown runes_ on them. So I would like it known that even if we shall do the best we can, naturally, to break this curse as soon as possible, it is my _personal_ opinion that  you’re frankly better suited to this form than you are to that of a human man.”

Noctis looked offended,  though perhaps Ignis was projecting.  Then Ignis took out the travel sized bottle of pet shampoo and uncapped it with a decisive snap. Noctis yowled,  low and  _ definitely _ offended  as Ignis squeezed a sizable glob into his palm .

“ You deserve this,”  he told him ruthlessly.  Noctis rumbled unhappily  but had the good grace not to struggle as Ignis begun to lather him up. “ I can’t use your shampoo,  Noct,  it’s not meant for cats  – I daresay you’d find the scent alone unpleasant.  Sit still and I’ll have  you clean in a jiffy.”

Though he was – somewhat exaggerating, as it turned out.  Noctis was not a true longhair, but his fur bore enough resemblance to the  artfully shaggy  way he normally kept his hair  that  after the day’s excursion in Crestho lm it took  some  effort to get it all clean and rinsed.

Thankfully despite his initial recalcitrance Noctis remained fairly docile, even in the face of the indignity of being bathed – perhaps he had realized it was, on the flip side, a free excuse for a little pampering. Ignis certainly hadn’t meant it to be, but – well – he’d started _purring_ , was the thing.

 

Gladio  saw the problem as soon as he’d  woken up  and  rolled over , but  he tapped Prompto on the shoulder anyway – it was worth a try.

“Hey,” he murmured, as Prompto jolted awake with a faint gasp. Gladio ignored the sleepy _meep_ from Noctis and raised an eyebrow at Prompto. “We running this morning?”

Prompto looked down.  He glanced up with a truly plaintive expression.

“ I can’t,” he said quietly.  He gestured at himself. “Dude, are you seeing this? I really, really can’t.”

Gladio rolled his eyes. “ You know he’s not an actual cat, right? He’ll understand it if you  gotta go.  You aren’t gonna break his heart or nothing. ”

Noctis meowed, making some unknown counterpoint, and uncurled. He stretched slowly, luxuriously, tail a jaunty exclamation and claws gently digging into Prompto’s collarbone. Then he yawned at them and curled back up atop of Prompto’s chest, already purring furiously. Prompto gestured again, insistent.

“ Gladio are you  _ seeing this _ oh my gods. No I can’t get up,” he hissed. “ Do you  know how badly I wanted a pet when I was a kid? My parents always said no!  You wanna get either of us up you’re gonna have to put those bodybuilder muscles to use big guy.”

Well, that cinched it.  Gladio  got his legs under him properly – rule number one,  learn how to lift without hurting yourself –  and slipped his arms under Prompto’s knees and shoulders.  Human and human-turned-cat  yelped amusingly as he picked them up and carried them out  of the tent .

“ What in  all the gods names are you doing,” Ignis said, amused.  Gladio ignored him in favor of  the duo in his arms.

“ I do not have bodybuilder muscles,” he said  seriously.  He flexed his arms just to prove it,  his tattoos rippling  and  Prompto’ s eyes  goin g suitably wide – or maybe he was just afraid of getting dropped. As if. “ My workout routine is  entirely different – listen,  bodybuilders  are all about the aesthetic, you know? These muscles  are strictly for utilitarian purposes,  I’m not  sculpting them  for show. “

Noctis meowed  and Gladio was fairly sure he’d just been insulted. 

 

Nocti s had eaten, approximately, a metric shitload of good food in his life.  Which was a given when you grew up a prince,  even if Ignis taking up cooking had only  raised the bar to deliriously delicious new levels.  And yet,  at the moment, a humble sandwich was  somehow  making it into his  all time top fives.

It had less to do with the sandwich itself and more to do with  the fact that he was eating it with his fingers,  his real actual human fingers  whose existence he was now properly appreciative of.  Thank the Astrals and  every single fucking Messenger for human fingers.

“Noctis, please,” Ignis said. When Noctis glanced up the other man was looking at him, genteel distaste plain on his face – a displeased slant to his mouth that Noctis was well familiar with. “I’m glad to see you enjoy my efforts, but if you could enjoy them in a slightly more… restrained manner?”

Prompto was a little less disgusted and a little more amused. “ You’ re  really going in on it, huh. Really going whole hog on that  thing.”  He grinned. “Went  straight from  cat to pig, ha.  But don’t worry, you’re still very cute.”

“ Damn straight,” he  replied automatically.

Gladio  looked him over,  regretful. “ Man,” he said,  almost pouting, “ I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I kinda miss  kitty Noct.  If I’d known for sure we were gonna get him back so soon,  I would’ve spent a lot more time petting  the furry lil guy.”

Ignis  took  another careful,  perfectly proportioned bite of his sandwich and chewed thoughtful ly.  When he swallowed he said, “ I can’t help but agree.  He was quite adorable.”

“ Yeah, and sitting right here, guys.  I could hear you perfectly fine even as a cat,  you know. ”

Gladio  scooted over on the picnic bench,  Noctis looking up at him questioningly.  He  put  one big hand  on the nape of Noctis’s neck, slid  it  upwards so h e was carding through Noctis’s hair.  Scrunched his fingers a little,  short clipped nails  skritching against  the scalp.

Noctis’s expression went  incredulous. Gladio  hummed thoughtfully.  Then he sighed, hand on the crown of Noctis’s head. “Yeah… it’s  just not the same.”

“ Oh, lemme try.” Prompto half-stood and leaned over the table,  poking Noctis in the forehead  and  then clumsily patting him on the head.  He made a moue. “ Ugh, hair gel.  Your hair isn’t all baby soft anymore, that sucks.”

Noctis looked sidelong at Ignis. “ Save me,” he deadpanned,  Gladio and Prompto both petting him  now in awkward, ill-timed unison. “ I’m getting mobbed.”

Ignis set his sandwich down,  adjusted his glasses with the back of his wrist. “ As that sounds like a security concern, Your Highness,  I will have to consult with your Shield on the matter, ” he said, perfectly straight faced.  His gaze slid over to Gladio.  “ Gladio,  His Highness is being mobbed.”

“ Oh noooo,” Prompto said,  unable to contain the undertone of laughter.  Unlike in combat his aim was poor,  frequently hitting Noctis in the face instead of the  head.  Noctis sat there and bore it  with  carefully blank-faced  composure.

“ Damn,” Gladio said,  scratching behind Noctis’s ear.  Dark, loose strands of hair were caught in his fingers,  though he avoided pulling too hard on any tangles. “ That sounds serious.”

“ Indeed,” Ignis said demurely.  He caught Noctis’s eyes and smiled. “At this rate, he  could end up catnapped.”

“ What a catastrophe.” “Now that’d be a real catastrophe.”  Prompto and Gladio both said at once.

Noctis  broke and chuckled,  then  made a face as  one of Prompto’s fingers  was accidentally jammed into his mouth  to an embarrassed , “Whoops! Sorry buddy.”

“ It’s fine.  You  just better hope  whatever that  curse was wasn’t catching, ” he said wryly.

“ Ha!”

“ Oh, shit, I didn’t even mean that one.”

 

“ Noctis, are you  quite sure you  wish to keep  th ose? ”

“ What, we got rid of the curse. I even disinfected  them .  ‘S perfectly safe  _ now _ .”

“ Yes, just – in the middle of a hunt?”

“ I  pay the price for obtaining a perfectly good set of cat ears, I keep the perfectly good set of cat ears. ”


End file.
